I am an ordinary Pakistani who flew out to Saudi Arabia from Lahore in 1976 and upon completion of two years employment in the holy land, I flew out to Kuwait in 1978 and since then I am not only here but would like to be here and here alone as many years as possible.

I am 65 years old meaning by that half of my life has already been spent overseas

 which in turn has made me an alien in my own country but, nevertheless, the magnetic charm of my beloved home country has not faded even a bit though for quite many years I feel a bit scared, if not timid, to be back home even for a few days. Suicide bombing, indiscriminate killing, abduction for asking ransom etc are the few, excluding strikes, to be named that scare me to death and each time I think of meeting my mother and two younger brothers in Lahore I simply can not figure out as to what to do and how.

My younger brother has been inflicted with tongue cancer and quite naturally I had to fly to Lahore to meet my brother but it was not that easy to figure out as to what dates I be in Lahore. My local engagements has their own pressing demand which I simply could not afford to ignore either but nevertheless political turmoil back home also created some hurdles to decide about the dates. I had decided to go alone, leaving behind my wife, and be out of Kuwait for long nine days. I flew out on 19^th Feb night and flew out from Lahore on 27^th early morning landing at Kuwait airport late morning hours.

Honestly speaking, the fresh air inhaled right at the moment when I took out my first step (cant remember which one-left or right) out of the aircraft at Lahore airport was truly rejuvenating and much too much different than what I am inhaling in foreign land since 1976 and it reminded me the heavy price I and others living overseas alike pay to be away from our home land. The faces of my own compatriots, both men and women, though completely unknown to me, on one hand, looked too charming and hospitable and, on the other hand, I cursed myself why I am alienated in my home country from such a humanitarian lot. The more I thought, more patriotic I turned and I even questioned myself, at least for academic discussion, if not otherwise as to who will merit my credentials in Lahore or any other city in Pakistan for that matter. I was fixed up in a truly true fix and couldn’t figure out what to do-quit Kuwait and come back to the country I belong to. I wondered how so suddenly such strong nationalistic feelings oozed in me but, at the same time, I was awed of uncertainty and bleak future in Pakistan as well. Right from tarmac till the immigration counter, I was fully drenched in my own self and busy with questions, cross question, plus and minus activities.

I queued up at one of the immigration counters to complete immigration facilities to get arrival stamp affixed on my passport. My younger brother was very much at the airport to welcome me but it being Fajer prayer time he went to mosque to offer prayers. I tried to phone him but my Kuwait mobile did not work though I called my wife from Bahrain when in transit from Kuwait to Lahore. However, I went to the shop selling mobile telephone lines and asked the young bearded gentleman for a connection. He asked me which one I wish and I answered that being an outsider I have no idea but give me the best one. He suggested few explaining their respective qualities and advantages and I chose the one with 303 dialing code and paid him Rs 500 and gave my Pakistan National I D card to complete registration formalities. I did ask him as to how much it had cost me had I bought from down town instead of airport and he replied that there are many fake cards sold in market for much lesser money and there was no reason to disbelieve him. However, out of curiosity I just asked how much it could be priced in downtown and he very confidently said that it should be Rs 450 and I agreed with him saying that the airport prices are always higher irrespective of the city or country hence it is acceptable and reasonable. I was really impressed to have met such an honest person-the first one in my own country. A few minutes later when I was still at the counter to get my facility energized, another customer came for a connection and the bearded salesman told him the same money what he had asked me but the customer hurled back at him accusing that he is charging almost double the price. The two exchanged some hot words, abusive to be honest, and he didn't buy the connection. I crossed the salesman as to why he lied with me despite the fact that I had not only paid him the money he asked for but also agreed in principle that he can charge more than city price but within reasonable limits. First shock at the hand of clergy-like man pinched me but nothing I could do to undo.

My host, youngest brother lives in Defence Housing Authority and therefore I accompanied him to the mosque and believe you me I was shocked to death to see an armed police constable right inside the mosque prayers hall but why and how. Let me just quip that a few countries I have visited including both Muslim and non Muslim countries till now and no where I saw a policeman even outside a mosque what to talk of inside a mosque. I migrated to Pakistan with my parents in 1947 when I was just 4 years old and I can say on my honor that never ever a police was seen by me in any mosque but what prompts us now to get an armed police man first inside the prayers hall before entering to pray but why unless it has become a sign of prestige to pray under guns.

Kuwait Ambassador to Pakistan H.E. Aziz Al-Dehani had very kindly extended me invitation to attend 48^th National Day and 18^th Liberation Day reception in Islamabad on 25^th and hence I went to Pakistan Railway HQ to book a seat in rail car to return from Islamabad to Lahore. I was very pleased to see that there was a counter for senior citizen so I being 65 went to the counter but it was amazing to see that 3 males not aged mote than 40 years were there. One of them had paid the money and the lady was busy in issuing the ticket for him. I asked all three compatriots as to how come they are at this counter which is not for them in any case and they just jeered at me as if I was wrong and not they. I questioned the lady on what authority she is attending them and her reply was too simple and straight that each day only a few senior citizens come to this window hence the whole day people like these come to me and will not leave the window unless I issue them tickets. She asked me to visit the counter for ladies where none but men were queued up and I was really heart broken to notice that perhaps it has become a qualification or a matter of pride to trample the rules and regulations.

I rode a luxury bus from Lahore to Rawalpindi and it was really a very pleasing journey. The bus was truly cozy, neat, clean and luxurious. The bus hostess clad in elegant uniform was courtiers enough to give newspapers, serve water and cold drinks. She even gave a snacks box which was a surprise to me. Supreme Court of Pakistan had disqualified Sharif brother (Nawaz & Shahbaz) and some one phoned one of my bus passengers saying that the people belonging to PML (N) had come on streets agitating against the disqualification of their leaders. It was more shocking for me because I was going to Islamabad just for few hours and had top come back as per my plan otherwise I had been doomed. I just recited whatever Quranic verses I could and prayed that I should not be stuck up. Anyway, it was truly nice 4 hours journey from Lahore. My class fellow settled in Islamabad was in constant mobile contact while I was riding the bus hence he welcomed me the moment bus stopped at the terminus. He took me to his house for a while and then I requested him to please drive me to Serena Hotel to attend Kuwaiti reception during 7 to 9 pm.

Shamadan Hall-the venue of the reception was tastefully decorated and quite a good number of elite of the country could be seen inside the hall congratulating Kuwaiti ambassador and his team. Most of the people knew each other so they were hugging and shaking hands etc and I being away from Pakistan was struggling to find any known face though in Kuwait I am attending almost 90%of such diplomatic evenings and very often only two Pakistanis-Ambassadors and I can be seen. I chatted with few ambassadors whose colleagues are known to me in Kuwait. However I saw a journalist who left Kuwait some five years ago and now working for a newspaper in Islamabad and then I met a doctor who quitted Kuwait around twenty years ago and owns a pharmaceutical company in Lahore. I could not recognize any one other than Makhdoom Amin Fahim, Commerce Minister who was the guest of honor and jointly cut the cake with Kuwaiti Ambassador. It was truly sentimental for me to hear Pakistan national anthem in Pakistan after many long years and of course Kuwait national anthem listened. One thing was very surprising that there were quite a good number of ladies but how, I simply could not understand. In Kuwait no ambassador of any Gulf Cooperation Council countries which include Kuwait as well invites any lady other than foreign diplomats to such like evening. The wives of the ambassadors host receptions at their residence for ladies only to mark the day. I wonder how so many my compatriot ladies wearing kurta shalwar and saris could be there. The printed invitation was from the ambassador only excluding his wife otherwise the invitation is from H.E. and his wife. I dared not ask any lady if she had come uninvited unless I was my own enemy.

The most enjoying thing for me was to spend money not because I had much money but simply because each time I spent some rupees I roughly converted it into Kuwaiti dinars and it did not pinch me even a bit because rate wise it was too low sp far as KD is concerned. Even a four figure Pakistani currency note was not equivalent to even one digit Kuwaiti currency note (1KD= 270 Rs)

I was very much worried and shaken on 26^th because next day early morning I was to fly out. At one stage I was so awed that I cursed myself as to why did I come Pakistan which is certainly not the same which I left way back in 1976 rather it is very much volatile now but what could be done otherwise. The clock was ticking fast and I was more listening to the news to keep myself abreast as to who is agitating, where and when rather than packing my suitcase. Unknown fear had gripped me to the extent that I simply did not sleep even for a minute and thanks Allah I could safely fly out of Pakistan and landed back in Kuwait.

Summing up next time I will not go at my own but on the advice of the ' roohani peer' who can tell me months in advance as to which city to go, when and where rather than going at my own risk and who knows may be some stray bullet could hit me or else US drone could snatch me away from only one wife and one daughter.

Isn't it sane at least, for me if not you, to continue staying back in Kuwait where I neither face power shut down, nor subjected to section 144 and or even praying under armed police.

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With my honest and solemn prayers

Sincere Iqbal Hadi Zaidi / Kuwait / Tel + Fax (00965) 23715102 / Mobile (00965) 66229897